[11/30] The Long Game

"Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?"

"Oh, you're engaged now, when’s the wedding? Next year, right?"

"Play your cards right and you might just be leading your own team in 8 years."

Go to any Asian family dinner and you’ll hear these before you even reach the table.

I know people mean well, but it's like there's an expectation to have my life mapped out. They always expect me to answer with certainty.

When in reality I’m juggling so many things that next month could completely change what my next five years look like. Any answer feels wrong. I wish I could say, “It depends…” and list the things I’m trying out. But all my aunts want to know is when the wedding is.

It did make me think about the long game though. Yes, I’m trying a lot of things, but they have to be in service of something.

At first, maybe a decade or so ago, I thought the goal was money. Earn as much as you can any way you can. So I picked up odd part time jobs and flipped things online.

Then when I got sick of doing things I didn't care about. I decided that my long goal is interest. As in, as long as what I was doing was interesting, everything else should fall into place. So I pushed harder at my day job, chasing promotions and taking on more responsibilities.

I did that for a few years, then one fine afternoon, I realized I’d have to wait 15 years to lead my own team. That in 10-20 years time, I'd still have to negotiate with my company on when I get to see my family. No way, no freaking way.

That’s when I finally understood the real goal, independence.

It's a goal that has always been there I think, I just couldn't articulate it.

Like any worthy pursuit, it comes with sacrifices. One of the hardest was stepping back emotionally from my job. That was tough, given how passionate I used to be. I still do good work, but I’ve drawn the line of my job is for money. My free time is for building independence. You could say I have disassociated. Or at least am trying to.

Now, every free time goes into writing my newsletter, posting on LinkedIn, and taking on occasional client work. All in service of being more independent. Which means controlling my time and what I work on.

It’s liberating but it’s not easy. Especially with a full-time job. There are days I feel like crap. Days my LinkedIn posts don’t do well because someone decided to pour their insecurities in the comments section. Or days when someone makes me feel stupid for even trying.

But independence is the long game. And the long game is the only game worth playing because it’s the only way forward.