[13/30] People

Am I standing right?

Should I be holding my drink in my left or right ?

Oh, she made a comment about her project, I should come back to that to keep the conversation going.

I remember the YouTube videos told me to always ask them questions. Am I asking too much? Why does it feel like an interview ?

That was me a few years ago yesterday. I have always been a relatively shy and introverted person. I'd like to tell you in stems from my childhood or some story but I think that's just the person I am.

The problem here is some days I wish I was more outgoing, that I can speak easily to people without worrying what they think of me but desire is embarrassing and it makes sharing hard for me.

I have been working on that though. Reading books, getting the practice in (Attending more events and doing more public things) but I still feel like that weird kid that people don't want to have around.

Of course, that is all in my head.

I think.

Perhaps it's because I contain multitudes that I can never be my true-self with a lot of people. When I am at work, I am in "work" mode, no talking about my newsletter or life ambitions. Then, with certain friends, I keep quiet about other parts of myself, worried I’ll offend them or they just won’t get it.

The funny thing is, I know it's all in my head but I just can’t help it.

But I’m slowly realizing that relationships only works if it goes both ways. They require both sides to express their opinions.

It’s like an old sitcom. There are always “problems” between the characters, but they’re still close friends. That’s how I think friendships should work. People accept you for who you are, flaws and all.

But if I don’t share what I think, how could they ever truly know me? I can’t hate someone for not knowing the real me if I never give them the chance.

Maybe that’s what it means to have character and stand your ground. It’s about being yourself, even when it’s easier not to.