[5/30] Tyranny
Silence is a lie—and tyranny feeds on lies
Oh, they want Mexican for dinner. I don’t feel like that tonight, but they seem like they really want it. Better not say anything.
He’s one of my closest friends. I don’t agree with him, but I’ll let him think he’s right. No point starting something. He's smart enough to figure it out.
I think tea tastes better with hotter water but maybe she already knows that and just prefers it this way. I should just let her be, everyone has their preferences
Growing up, I believed keeping quiet was the best way to keep the peace. After all, don't we all hate that person that shouts in every room. That cuts you off mid-sentence because they just can't wait to talk about themselves.
I thought I was being considerate by stepping back, by letting others lead. I didn’t want to be the one who argues about cutlery or corrects everyone at the table. The "anal" one.
But I didn't realize "being considerate" eventually meant I didn’t exist. No one knew who the true me was. No one knew what I thought because I never shared anything.
And I started to see the consequences. I said yes to things I didn't want to do. I let people push their opinions on me when I don't agree with them. I even let them decide that we should all pay $500 for a present for a friend that I only see once a year.
It got so bad that I just started hiding because I just didn't want to tell them I hate going to bars. Every time I met them, it felt shallow because I never said anything. Like they didn't know the true me. I hated them for not understanding me and I hated myself for not saying something.
...
But I have gotten better now. Years of reading, reflecting and good conversations helped me see that being the child of a divorced family shaped me more than I knew. It made me afraid to speak up. Things were always so chaotic and I didn't want to add to it. I didn’t want to be another problem.
And I see now that I still carry that with me. That fear that saying how I feel makes me "difficult". That offering a different opinion will make people leave. Because deep-down I am just not lovable.
I don’t mean I want an excuse to walk around telling people they're fat. I just want to feel safe enough to share what I think. Without worrying it’ll be the thing that makes people leave.
I know that my fear is in my head. Years of work has helped me with that and it'll be a few more years before I can fully understand it.
But slowly, and I mean really slowly, I’ve learned that the pain of speaking up is always better than the slow rot of unspoken resentment.
This quote by Jordan B Peterson sums it up perfectly :
“Either the resentful person is immature, in which case he or she should shut up, quit whining, and get on with it, or there is tyranny afoot—in which case the person subjugated has a moral obligation to speak up. Why?
Because the consequence of remaining silent is worse. Of course, it’s easier in the moment to stay silent and avoid conflict. But in the long term, that’s deadly. When you have something to say, silence is a lie—and tyranny feeds on lies.
When should you push back against oppression, despite the danger? When you start nursing secret fantasies of revenge; when your life is being poisoned and your imagination fills with the wish to devour and destroy.”
― Jordan B. Peterson, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos