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Three years ago, my fiancée and I bought our first apartment.

Our first real “adult” purchase. We didn’t even own a car back then. Actually, we still don't. We have a car-park though.

At first, it was chaos. The same day we moved in was the same day we learned her parents were visiting in two months. Suddenly, we needed to furnish the place fast. The plan was to take it slow, buy pieces we loved, things that felt right. We’d brought over a few essentials from our old place, so it wasn’t much to replace and there wasn't a rush. It wasn't like we were sleeping on the floor.

But the agreement was always: _We’ll upgrade once we’re settled._

The thing is, a lot of our furniture had followed us since our university days. The bed still creaks and I am pretty sure my pillow is flatter than a pizza.

Yet, nothing has changed. The “temporary” pieces are still here. Our apartment has "character" which is a nice way for saying pieces that just don't match. To me, it just doesn't feel complete. It doesn't feel like my home.

And It’s not like we haven’t spent money. We’ve gone on vacations, bought a new camera, upgraded our phones. It’s seems to be easier to spend on things that take us away from home than on the place we live in every day. "We can always buy furniture later, let's go to Taiwan first."

This feels strange to me too because I put so much thought into my work environment. My desk is always clean. I’ve invested in a standing desk, proper lighting, dual screens, a good chair. But anything nice for the living room always feels harder to justify.

Everything feels like a “nice to have.” Like a luxury that comes at the cost of a holiday. But I know it's important. It's home after all.

I’m trying to let go of that mindset, that everything I buy needs to be purely functional. I think that comes from the poor university student days where every penny needs to mean something.

I am learning and trying to accept that it's okay to spend on the space we live in. Not just items or experiences.