My best habit was making me miserable

I am that type of person that tracks things.

I track how much sleep I get, how many sets and movements I do in the gym and especially how much money I spend.

I use an app called Budget. It’s the first system after trying many that actually works for me.

I set it up a few months ago and never looked back.

But my system only worked in Australia. And I am now in Singapore for the few months.

And for those first two weeks. I did not sleep well. I did not eat well. And safe to say it wasn’t a good time.

When it came to lunch or dinner, my heart raced and I always got sweaty. Then, my charger broke and I had to get a replacement which I put off until my laptop wouldn’t turn on.

The cause of all of this ? Money anxiety.

I didn’t know where the money was going. Every tap of my card felt like a guess. And I don’t like guessing.

I started skipping things I actually wanted to try because I couldn’t justify the cost. I wasn’t broke. I wasn’t even close. But I didn’t know how all this sudden spending held against our savings account. The only sentence in my head was. you’re spending too much, you’re spending too much.

It felt like I would get a phone call from the bank, telling me that I have -3,234 in my account because I spent too much. I know how unreasonable that sounds but that’s what it felt like.

Then one day, while scrounging for the cheapest option, a colleague looked at me and said I was spending too little. That if he were in my shoes, he’d use every week left to actually explore. Try things. Eat things. Because how often does someone get to work in Singapore for a few months like this ?

That was enough. I took a good look at my account. Why am I stressing so much about this ?

Is being afraid of spending more really worth ruining this experience here ?

It obviously took me a few more nights to get used to this feeling. And I didn’t go and start fine dining every night. But I did loosen up a little. I started buying what I actually wanted to try without running the math first. Well, I still feel anxious spending money but at least I am not sweating anymore.

Yeah, I probably ate into my savings rate but the regret of coming all this way and scrounging felt worse than a number going down.

I guess sometimes you just have to just step outside of your comfort zone for a bit and let things be.

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