Should I Believe in Myself or Others ?

Last Tuesday, my manager told me my work wasn’t good enough.

I don’t remember the exact words. But I do remember what it felt like.

Okay, it’s not like I am some perfect person and never got told off before. But this time I got blindsided because I thought things were going well.

Safe to say, I didn’t get anything else done that day. I’m not sure about others but when I get bad news like this, it should plays in my head over and over again. Like a really bad ear worm.

So, I went for a walk, thinking it would help. But I only had one thought in my head.

Is it bad? I don’t think it’s bad. But he thinks it’s bad. And he’s been doing this longer than me. Is there something I don’t see?

This shouldn’t have been such a big deal. I believe in my own work and I knew I am good at what I do. But as much as I tried, what my manager said did not leave my mind. It kept gnawing at me.

My mistake was thinking a bit of scrolling would give me the dopamine hit to feel better. I decided to scroll LinkedIn on the way home.

I have been trying to get my own consultancy up and running for a bit now but have been struggling securing a steady pipeline of work. So, LinkedIn is actually my platform of choice to find clients.

The first post I saw was from another “competitor”. I don’t remember the exact words but it was something like

“I never had more fun in my job until now and I have even made more money. Everyone should start their own business. It’s so easy!”

Okay, he probably didn’t say that but it sure as hell might have been. Here come the thoughts again.

Am I the problem? Am I just not good enough to work for myself? Why are other people finding this so easy? Is what my manager said correct? Is my work shit ?

I closed the app. Opened it again. Closed it again.

Maybe I’m doing it wrong. Maybe there’s something I just don’t get. Maybe I am just not good enough

Most advice in this situation tells you to believe in yourself. To trust yourself. That we instinctively know what the good thing is. But what happens if you don’t see any results? If you have doubt that the path you’ve chosen is even correct ?

Is LinkedIn the right platform for me? Is starting a consultancy here even right? Should I pivot into another industry?

Then you go on LinkedIn and see others thriving on the very thing that you suck at. You think, there must be something wrong with the way I am doing things.

So, you go on Youtube and find tutorials on the “best way to get clients” or the “best way to network” but none of them actually help, because they aren’t you.

But if listening to others doesn’t help and listening to yourself doesn’t help too. What the hell do you do ?

That was really the question that bugged me the most.

I think I am doing a good job, then WHAM, my manager tells me differently. I go on LinkedIn, thinking, okay reaching out is hard. Then, WHAM, you have someone that says “it’s the easiest thing in the world”. How am I suppose to think ?

Do I stand my ground and believe in myself ? Or do I listen to them and change ?